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Cadair Idris peak near Dolgellau, Wales.  August, 2016

Cadair Idris peak near Dolgellau, Wales.  August, 2016

Long-Term Travel & Relationships: The Peaks & Perils of 24/7 Togetherness

April 6, 2017

Exactly one year ago, on April 6th, 2016 Perry and I hit the road for parts unknown, with a rough itinerary and open-ended return date.

The planning had been in the works for nearly a year and in preparation for departure we had checked off a long list of tasks, from saving money to selling our stuff to getting our teeth cleaned.  We even had fun 'chores' such as researching destinations and poring over maps. We felt prepared, but in between trips to Goodwill and dentist visits, we missed a crucial topic.  

How we would deal with 24/7 togetherness?  And selfies?  But mostly, how much time together is too much time together?

Seafront in Gijon, Spain.  October, 2016

Seafront in Gijon, Spain.  October, 2016

I read a few blogs written from the perspective of traveling couples, so had an inkling that it would come up at some point.  I remember one pair suggested booking weekend trips apart if the togetherness became too much.  We joked about our impending extreme cohesion, but after twelve years together (including living nearly three years in the UK), didn't think too much of it, and besides, until you live it, it's tough to prepare for it.

It hasn't come to separate weekends yet, but I can confidently say that long term travel adds a strange and sometimes taxing stress to a relationship.  No matter how many hours you think you spend together, you most certainly get a break from time to time.  Maybe you head off to separate jobs in the morning.  Or partake in different activities in your off-hours.  You probably have at least one happy-hour friend that doesn't overlap with your beloved.

Christmas Market in Munich, Germany.  December, 2017

Christmas Market in Munich, Germany.  December, 2017

Out in the vast world, we have nowhere to hide from each other.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for sympathy.  Sure, there have been a few tense moments, but I'm pleasantly surprised at how much travel has enhanced and strengthened our relationship.  

Nebet hill in Plovdiv, Bulgaria.  July, 2016

Nebet hill in Plovdiv, Bulgaria.  July, 2016

Travel Togetherness:  The Bad

Because I know you really read this for the dirt, I'll start with the unsightly (and obvious) side of being in the company of your lover every hour of the day.   Lack of privacy.  

When you share the space of small apartments and tiny rooms in guesthouses, let's just say you become extremely familiar with each other's intimate habits and maintenance activities.  From bathroom schedules and favorite toilet time diversions (Fun Fact: I'm a fan of DuoLingo) to full view of personal upkeep (such as plucking that one hair on my chin), there are no secrets on the road.  

Douro Valley cruise near Porto, Portugal.  October, 2016

Douro Valley cruise near Porto, Portugal.  October, 2016

Idiosyncrasies.  Traits.  Peculiarities. Eccentricities.

Whatever you call them, get ready, because your beloved's quirks are about to become your constant travel companions.  Hate when he leaves whiskers in the sink after shaving?  Irritated over her habit of leaving food open on the counter?  Suck it up because there's no room to carry nitpicking in your backpack.  

Eagles Nest near Salzburg, Austria.  May, 2016

Eagles Nest near Salzburg, Austria.  May, 2016

I'm lucky, because Perry is extremely conscientious, but even that became the source of an argument, once.

It's the inevitable downside of 24/7 togetherness:  an occasional confrontation is going to happen.  Since both of us tend be conflict avoiders, we are not big argument people, but do have them from time to time.  

I'll admit it.  I'm definitely the more difficult person in this long-term travel relationship.  I require regular caffeination, at least one hot meal per day and a decent bed the majority of the time.  I'm prone to crankiness and impatience and have been known to be just a teensy bit on the sensitive side.  

While some squabbles are solely my fault (such as the cringeworthy 'you're too conscientious' episode) most are centered around two mutually frustration-inducing subjects:  food and directions.  

Lake Bled, Slovenia.  June, 2016

Lake Bled, Slovenia.  June, 2016

Food has been the source of several disagreements because it's nearly impossible to be in the same 'food space' with another person all day, every day.  We all need to eat, but there are three decision making variables where things can go wrong.

  • WHEN to eat
  • WHERE to eat
  • WHAT to eat
Stari Most bridge in Mostar, Bosnia & Herzegovina.  July, 2016

Stari Most bridge in Mostar, Bosnia & Herzegovina.  July, 2016

Perry prefers to snack instead of eating 'regular meals'.  In fact, it bothers him if he eats the traditional way too often.  I need something substantial like eggs for breakfast, whereas he's good to go with a banana, some cookies and a handful of peanuts.  Where I need some meat and veg from time to time, he occasionally considers carrots and chocolate milk a reasonable dinner.  A foodie he is not, and at home I had grown used to it.  But on the road, since we always eat together, it has been a constant friction point.

Also, hunger is an obvious source for quarrels while you are having difficulty ordering in restaurants without English translations or trying to put a meal together from items in a strange supermarket only to discover you have inadequate kitchen facilities to cook it.  I perpetually feel like one of those Snickers 'You're Not You When You're Hungry' commercials.  

Directions is the other primary argument starter and our biggest spat on the road happened in Sofia, Bulgaria. 

Cruise from Stockholm to Helsinki.  April, 2016

Cruise from Stockholm to Helsinki.  April, 2016

In our travels, I'm the chief navigator mainly because I enjoy it.  OK, fine, because I like to be in control.  Perry admittedly has a poor sense of direction but isn't too bothered or stressed out about getting lost or not taking the 'optimal' route.  I spend a lot of time studying maps (city streets, metro lines, walking trails) and I'm in charge of directions most of the time, so when I'm wrong, I take it personally.  

One day in Sofia, we decided to walk to the city center.  It was a long walk and the day turned out to be fairly hot.  The goal was to start at the the other end of Vitosha Boulevard, a pedestrian shopping street, as we had explored the opposite end the day before.  We planned to have a drink and get out of the heat for a bit before walking the length.

After an hour in the sweltering sun, I realized we were not in the spot I had planned and expressed my frustration.  What started as a volley of snippy comments escalated into a shouting match.  There we were, in the middle of a busy sidewalk, yelling at each other in English to the bemusement of the Bulgarians passing us.  Tired from our outburst, we walked home in silence.

We patched things up later, but I learned my lesson.  Double check directions, especially when walking in hot weather, and keep my pissy comments to myself.  Wait, did I really say directions were mutually frustration inducing?  

Zlatni Rat Beach on Brac Island near Split, Croatia.  July, 2016

Zlatni Rat Beach on Brac Island near Split, Croatia.  July, 2016

Travel Togetherness:  The Good

Late night carrots at a ruin bar in Budapest, Hungary.  June, 2016

Late night carrots at a ruin bar in Budapest, Hungary.  June, 2016

I'll try and avoid descending into Hallmark card territory here, but even this mush-averse gal has been won over by the relationship-building aspects of long-term travel.  

First, we discovered that we have the same favorite travel activities.  We are both hard core city walkers with a penchant for cat cafes and above all else, love spending hours in foreign supermarkets gleefully examining the strange and novel.

But as corny as it sounds, it's the shared experiences that have driven the deeper connection.  The ever-changing scenery, plus constant exposure to the new and exotic has provided countless 'did-you-see that' moments.  There are few days on autopilot and more fodder for inside jokes.  

Diverbo group outing in La Alberca, Spain.  November, 2016

Diverbo group outing in La Alberca, Spain.  November, 2016

Another perk has been seeing a whole new side of Perry.  Over the years, he has cultivated a variety of artistic talents and has never been afraid to stand out as unique and different, but since we've been living on the road, this impulse has expanded in a way that leaves me in awe.  During this time away from traditional life, he has really embraced his creativity by dabbling in photography (perryja.com) and nurturing various entrepreneurial ideas, including his plan to try every chocolate milk in the world and document it in his website (afoolzerrand.com).  

Being around someone who is excited about what they are doing is incredibly inspiring and helps make our days together more happy than not. 

Innsbruck, Austria.  November, 2016

Innsbruck, Austria.  November, 2016

Finally, our differences have created a travel compatibility that brings out our respective strengths.  When it comes to planning and motivating, I'm the COO and Head of Marketing.  I've got the more adventurous spirit and outgoing personality, and that coupled with inquisitiveness has helped build a bold itinerary (Hiking Tiger Leaping Gorge, Trekking Mongolia) to push us outside our comfort zone and experience new things.

Perry is our CFO and Head of Talent Management.  In addition to being our budget wizard, he balances my excitable personality with an unflappable calm and serene patience.  He also has super-smarts and a supernatural ability to read people and smooth over potentially rough situations.  

Together, our life stays interesting, yet runs fairly smoothly.

What I've Learned

Biarritz, France.  October, 2016

Biarritz, France.  October, 2016

It takes a leap of faith to walk away from everything and everyone you know to travel the world with one person.

There are going to be moments of discomfort and uncertainty that can disrupt even a strong partnership.  You're going to encounter every mood and moment with that person which will test the bounds of privacy and intimacy.    

But the camaraderie you build with your partner while experiencing unforgettable and life-defining moments together is like relationship steroids.  Without the roid rage, infertility and ban from sports.

It helps to be extra conscientious (even if it might occasionally make me crabby) and to say thank you often.  Recognizing the contributions of the other person, whether it's his/her skill in keeping you on the road, making things comfortable or making you laugh keeps pent up animosity and grudge nurturing at bay.   It's easy to take each other for granted and since we fall into natural roles, it is sometimes hard to appreciate those efforts, but make it a point to do it anyway.

When diplomacy fails, mini-breaks really do help.  Sometimes, I visit a museum by myself or Perry will find a gym on the other side of the city so it takes longer.  If we have more than one room in our apartment, we work in them separately.  Occasionally sleeping in twin beds makes a difference, too.

I want to publicly thank Perry for taking this journey with me.  You have made the experience more beautiful than I could have imagined.  

Mush, blech!

Chiang Mai, Thailand.  February, 2017

Chiang Mai, Thailand.  February, 2017

Thanks for reading!

Next time on Gobsmacked:  Hiking Tiger Leaping Gorge:  A Complete Guide for the Average-ly Fit

 

← Hiking Tiger Leaping Gorge: A Complete Guide For The Average-ly FitThings I'm Getting Used To: Eating in China Edition →

TRAVEL BLOG

  • December 2018
    • Dec 17, 2018 Friends From the Road: Darren's Story Dec 17, 2018
  • August 2018
    • Aug 29, 2018 Travel Essentials I Can't Live Without Aug 29, 2018
    • Aug 4, 2018 My Weirdest Travel Habits Aug 4, 2018
  • July 2018
    • Jul 20, 2018 What I Packed For The Last Six Months of Travel Jul 20, 2018
    • Jul 5, 2018 We Interrupt Our Travel To Bring You The Following Message Jul 5, 2018
  • April 2018
    • Apr 29, 2018 The Best Cat Cafes in Tokyo Apr 29, 2018
  • January 2018
    • Jan 20, 2018 The Five Best Cat Cafes in Osaka, Japan Jan 20, 2018
    • Jan 1, 2018 The Best & Worst of 2017: Our Second Year on the Road Jan 1, 2018
  • December 2017
    • Dec 21, 2017 A Week in Mexico City Dec 21, 2017
  • November 2017
    • Nov 23, 2017 Thanks or No Thanks? Our Worst Travel Mishaps in Europe Nov 23, 2017
  • October 2017
    • Oct 1, 2017 Global Travel on a Budget: Best Airbnb's For $50/Night (or less!) Oct 1, 2017
  • September 2017
    • Sep 24, 2017 Things I'm Getting Used To: Europe, Round II Sep 24, 2017
    • Sep 22, 2017 The Five Best Cat Cafes In Seoul, South Korea Sep 22, 2017
    • Sep 14, 2017 A Girl's Weekend in Charleston, South Carolina Sep 14, 2017
    • Sep 3, 2017 The Five Best Cat Cafes From Around the World Sep 3, 2017
  • August 2017
    • Aug 21, 2017 Home Sweet Home Aug 21, 2017
  • July 2017
    • Jul 28, 2017 The Many Moods of Japan Jul 28, 2017
    • Jul 14, 2017 I Quit My Job to Travel: Sixteen Months Later Jul 14, 2017
    • Jul 2, 2017 Trekking Mongolia: Tips & Advice For the Best Tour Experience Jul 2, 2017
  • June 2017
    • Jun 13, 2017 A Travel Day in the Life of a Full-Time Traveler Jun 13, 2017
  • May 2017
    • May 31, 2017 Among Nomads: Nine Days on the Mongolian Steppe May 31, 2017
    • May 26, 2017 A Typical Day in the Life of a Full-Time Traveler May 26, 2017
    • May 19, 2017 China: Two Months, Nine Highs, Four Lows & Eight Tips May 19, 2017
    • May 5, 2017 Scenery & Sandstorms: 28 Hours on a Train to Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia May 5, 2017
  • April 2017
    • Apr 28, 2017 Eat, Play, Love: A Review of Thailand's Cat Cafes Apr 28, 2017
    • Apr 19, 2017 Hiking Tiger Leaping Gorge: A Complete Guide For The Average-ly Fit Apr 19, 2017
    • Apr 6, 2017 Long-Term Travel & Relationships: The Peaks & Perils of 24/7 Togetherness Apr 6, 2017
  • March 2017
    • Mar 29, 2017 Things I'm Getting Used To: Eating in China Edition Mar 29, 2017
    • Mar 11, 2017 Eight Things I Loved About Thailand (and three things I didn't) Mar 11, 2017
  • February 2017
    • Feb 20, 2017 Eat, Play, Love. A Review of European Cat Cafes Part II Feb 20, 2017
    • Feb 10, 2017 What I Packed For A Six Month Trip to Asia Feb 10, 2017
  • January 2017
    • Jan 25, 2017 Actions & Words: A Week Volunteering In Spain Jan 25, 2017
    • Jan 13, 2017 The Good, the Bad and the Ugly: What We Ate in Europe Jan 13, 2017
    • Jan 6, 2017 The Best and Worst of 2016: Our First Year of Full-Time Travel Jan 6, 2017
  • December 2016
    • Dec 31, 2016 Eating Well on the Road Part II: Kitchen & Shopping Tips for Budget Travelers Dec 31, 2016
    • Dec 9, 2016 Eating Well on the Road Part I: Recipe Ideas for Budget Travelers Dec 9, 2016
  • November 2016
    • Nov 30, 2016 A Tale of Two Cities: Lisbon & Porto Nov 30, 2016
    • Nov 23, 2016 Things I'm Getting Used To: Thanksgiving Edition Nov 23, 2016
  • October 2016
    • Oct 29, 2016 Who Needs Sleep? A Dream Week in Bilbao Oct 29, 2016
    • Oct 23, 2016 Six Reasons to Visit Bulgaria Oct 23, 2016
    • Oct 15, 2016 Forget Dracula, Brasov is the Transylvania You Want to See Oct 15, 2016
    • Oct 9, 2016 How The Grinch Toured Bucharest Oct 9, 2016
    • Oct 5, 2016 Pet Sitting & Travel: Why Do It and How It Works Oct 5, 2016
  • September 2016
    • Sep 28, 2016 Transition to Travel: How To Prepare For A Mid-Career Break Sep 28, 2016
    • Sep 24, 2016 Travel Packing Update: Winners & Losers Sep 24, 2016
    • Sep 13, 2016 Wrong Turns Made Right: Belgrade, Serbia Sep 13, 2016
    • Sep 9, 2016 The Numbers Issue Sep 9, 2016
    • Sep 3, 2016 A Mystical Journey: Mostar, Bosnia & Herzegovina Sep 3, 2016
  • August 2016
    • Aug 19, 2016 A Holiday in Croatia Aug 19, 2016
    • Aug 8, 2016 Have a Nice Stay: Tips to Maximize Your Airbnb Experience Aug 8, 2016
    • Aug 4, 2016 Ode To Joyce: Trieste Aug 4, 2016
  • July 2016
    • Jul 26, 2016 Where is Slovenia and Why Should You Go There? Jul 26, 2016
    • Jul 15, 2016 Things I'm Getting Used To: Part III Jul 15, 2016
    • Jul 9, 2016 Four (Affordable) Ways to Experience Romantic Budapest Jul 9, 2016
  • June 2016
    • Jun 30, 2016 Top Ten RTW Trip Highlights (So Far) Jun 30, 2016
    • Jun 30, 2016 The Art of Appreciation: Bratislava Jun 30, 2016
    • Jun 22, 2016 A Vacation in Salzburg (or An Excuse to Post Photos of Sound of Music Sites & Mountains) Jun 22, 2016
    • Jun 17, 2016 Eat. Play. Love. A Review of European Cat Cafes Jun 17, 2016
    • Jun 11, 2016 Three Days in Riga Jun 11, 2016
    • Jun 7, 2016 Philosophical Musings & Progressive Estonia Jun 7, 2016
    • Jun 1, 2016 Last Night A Big Mac Saved My Life: St. Petersburg Jun 1, 2016
  • May 2016
    • May 27, 2016 Rough & Ready(?) Helsinki May 27, 2016
    • May 22, 2016 Things I'm Getting Used To: Part II May 22, 2016
    • May 19, 2016 Beyond Stereotypes: Stockholm May 19, 2016
    • May 17, 2016 Stockholm Surprise: A Visit to the US Embassy May 17, 2016
    • May 10, 2016 Oslo: My Spirit Animal? May 10, 2016
    • May 8, 2016 Things I'm Getting Used To May 8, 2016
    • May 4, 2016 Split Personality: Copenhagen May 4, 2016
    • May 1, 2016 Baby, It's Cold Outside May 1, 2016
  • April 2016
    • Apr 27, 2016 Three Days in Cornwall Apr 27, 2016
    • Apr 23, 2016 Planning Long Term Travel Part III: Providence Apr 23, 2016
    • Apr 21, 2016 It Begins Apr 21, 2016
    • Apr 17, 2016 What I Packed for a Year of Round the World (RTW) Travel Part II: Toiletries, Electronics & Miscellaneous Apr 17, 2016
    • Apr 5, 2016 What I Packed for a Year of Round the World (RTW) Travel Apr 5, 2016
    • Apr 1, 2016 Planning Long Term Travel Part II: Patience Apr 1, 2016
  • March 2016
    • Mar 16, 2016 Planning Long Term Travel Part I: Preparation Mar 16, 2016
    • Mar 6, 2016 The 3 P’s of Planning Long Term Travel: Preparation, Patience & Providence Mar 6, 2016

HUMOUR BLOG

Featured
Nov 29, 2015
Take a Bite
Nov 29, 2015
Nov 29, 2015
Sep 27, 2015
A Kiss is Just a Kiss
Sep 27, 2015
Sep 27, 2015
Sep 6, 2015
A Rose By Any Other Name
Sep 6, 2015
Sep 6, 2015
Aug 3, 2015
TV Star
Aug 3, 2015
Aug 3, 2015
Aug 2, 2015
It's All Uphill From Here
Aug 2, 2015
Aug 2, 2015
Jul 27, 2015
I Wish it Could Be Christmas Everyday
Jul 27, 2015
Jul 27, 2015
Jul 26, 2015
The Voice of King's Cross
Jul 26, 2015
Jul 26, 2015
Jul 25, 2015
The Refrigerator List
Jul 25, 2015
Jul 25, 2015
Jun 28, 2015
I Should Be So Lucky
Jun 28, 2015
Jun 28, 2015
Jun 15, 2015
Accentuate the Positive
Jun 15, 2015
Jun 15, 2015

Follow Along!

 


Every week, we will post new stories, photos and videos from the road.  We would love to hear from you with any suggestions or recommendations as we move from country to country!

Paula LaBine, 2017