Having fun with our Airbnb host, Rod, in Vermont.

Home Sweet Home

August 21, 2017

What comes to mind when you think of the word home?

Is it a place? The city where you were born? The house where you grew up? Or is it simply the dwelling where you keep your stuff?

Is it people or animals? Your family, loved ones, or even pets?

Bill is my favorite, but don't tell Hannah and Tobey.

Or is it something even less tangible? Is it a sense of refuge and safety? Or, perhaps, a feeling of love or belonging?

As Americans, home (in the broadest sense) is the USA, and for eight weeks this summer we experienced a large dose of down-home comfort across 12 states and 14 separate residences. From physical luxuries such as big beds, reliable showers and home-cooked meals, to more abstract pleasures such as the following sampling of good times with friends and family, it was a pretty kick-ass stretch for us.

The Starnes/Neve/Argiropoulos clan in Tennessee.

Visiting a cat café with LeAnn, Simone & Annika (OR)
Hiking Ten Falls trail with Liz & Hank (OR)
Sitting around the breakfast table and talking dinosaurs with Kathy, Cale & Jackson (MN)
Backyard Bocce & BBQ with Chelsea & Andy (MN)
Road trip to Winnipeg with Mom & Dad (ND/MB)
Playing the least secretive yet most hilarious games of Clue with Cassie, Phil, Cam & Hunter (MN)
Picnic at Minnehaha Falls with Sue, Jimmy, Alex & Julia (MN)
Snapchatting silly pictures to each other while at lunch with Jason, Jennifer, Marilyn & Paul (MN)
Fourth of July lake fun with Gerry, Jackie, Adam, Jennifer, Logan & Liam (TN)
Mulch-o-rama and card game marathons with Gary & Peg (NC)
Girls' weekend in Charleston with Traci (SC)
Chocolate milk hunting and taste testing with Cindi, Diane, Tom and Linda (NH)
Hiking Mount Webster & Jackson loop with Becky (NH)
Lunch, drinks and a long overdue catch up in Biddeford with Kate (ME)
Cliff walk in Newport courtesy of Jennifer, Logan & Liam (RI)
Lake Ontario cottage stay (and potty training for the twins!) with Mason, Karrie, Sadie & Finn (NY)

Whew!

Are we lucky, or what? A BIG THANKS to our friends and family for all of your love and support (and dinners and guest rooms)!!

Chocolate milk taste test with Perry's relatives in New Hampshire.

All these home stays got me thinking.

I felt at home everywhere we visited, but why? And what, exactly, makes a home a home?

Since Perry and I have been on the road for the past year and a half, this topic comes up a lot. People usually ask if I miss home, but since we are without a home in the usual sense, the answer is always ‘no.' At times, I miss having decent sheets and a fully stocked kitchen, but I’m rarely bothered by my ‘houseless’ status unless I’m queried at an immigration checkpoint. Then, I get a little anxious because if there is one thing I know about border officials, it’s that they want a definitive answer to the question ‘Where is your home?’

Birthday lunch for my sister (with her kids) in Minnesota.

Determined to get to the bottom of this 'what makes a home' question, I started to dig deeper.

One of the first things I thought about was how much 'home' tends to connote a sense of permanence, such as your place of birth. ‘Where are you from?’ is a common first question between two people. But what if you don't identify with where you were born, or if you moved at an early age? Perry often has that awkward pause because his answer is far from simple. He should have business cards with the following bio: 'Perry was born in Schenectady, New York, but grew up in Maine and as an adult has lived in six other states as well as the United Kingdom. He currently travels full time with no permanent address.' Governments might view your place of birth as your permanent domicile, but for most of us, our birthplace does a poor job of defining home.

Hiking Silver Falls State Park with my aunt and uncle in Oregon.

My next thought turned to home as a location/structure, but that seems to be changing all the time. Most people move homes many times over the course of their lives based on household size, life stage, etc. The home of a couple with young children is likely to differ from the home of that same couple at retirement. The locations of homes change too. Mongolian families pack up their yurt and move to a different spot based on the season. Western families change homes for a shorter commute or better job.

Then, I tried to lock it down it in practical terms. Isn’t home simply a place where one takes care of basic needs? When it comes down to it, home is where you eat, sleep, bathe and watch Netflix.

Mulch-a-palooza underway in the hot North Carolina sun.

But after living alone in a soulless apartment in southern Wisconsin for six months, I knew firsthand that home definitely goes beyond the practical. It wasn't the apartment itself, as I also lived in a basic little flat in the UK by myself for a time as well, but rather I felt like a foreigner. In the UK, it was the opposite. Even in another country, I was able to feel like part of a community, with friends and activities that gave me a sense of home.

What is that sense, anyway? What is behind the idea that ‘home is where your heart is’ or ‘there’s no place like home’?

Looking back on our summer in the US, it's easy to see how our loved ones- family and friends (and cats!) made every stop feel like home.

Brunch with Traci at Poogan's Porch in Charleston, SC.

It's not difficult to understand. Most of us would probably answer 'family' as their first definition of home, that place of unconditional love. A space where you can be your true self and have a sense of belonging. But, how is it that I've felt at home on the road all over the world when we aren't around family?

I'm more convinced than ever that home is an idea that lives inside of us. It's that place where you should be; and on some level, we are all striving to reach it. Yes, others can love us and help us feel we belong, but ultimately, we need to feel 'at home' with ourselves.

Simone and Annika give the camera their best cat poses!

Before we all float away in this outburst of existential reasoning, let's bring it back to earth. Even though I've greatly expanded my view of what home means (a consequence of living on the road for so long), there is one practical thing that always makes me feel at home and that is familiarity.

I’ve had feelings of 'home' in most of the places we've lived, however temporary. Especially if we stay in a city for enough days that the simple act of walking to the grocery store feels like second nature, and returning after a long day out is effortless and comforting.

The ability to become familiar with a place relatively quickly is how I know there is no need to fear leaving home. The feeling of home is always there when you recognize the front door.

I'm far from being emotionally detached and it's never easy leaving friends and family. Making so many new places home is exciting, but it can be lonely, too.

It’s not perfect, but home is where I am right now.

The Many Moods of Japan

July 28, 2017

If you know me, even casually, you know I'm a 'feeler.'

Not that kind of feeler (tsk-tsk!) but rather, someone who gets a sense about a place based on how it makes them feel. In Japan, the different cities we visited each had a distinct emotion that made the country endlessly enjoyable. From electric to peaceful, historic to modern and friendly to reserved, the islands of Japan have a mood to satisfy every traveler.

Sapporo: Fresh & Friendly

Our first stop on our tour of Japan was the northern island of Hokkaido and city of Sapporo.

I didn't know much about Sapporo before we arrived, just a vague recollection of its eponymous beer and annual snow festival.

It ended up taking top honors for my favorite city.

Maybe it was coming from Seoul, a massive behemoth of a city, but the relatively small population of two million charmed this city-comparing Goldilocks and it was just right.

Not too big and not too small, this relatively new city (by Japanese standards) felt infinitely approachable, even home-like. I could see easily see myself living there.

First, the setting. I'm a northern country girl at heart, and the fresh, open spaces and natural beauty of Hokkaido appealed to my outdoors-y side. This is ski country and the mountains that surround the city are majestic and easily accessible for winter sports, as well as summer hiking.

But far from being a cultural dearth, Sapporo also has a quiet sophistication with a multitude of things to do. In the five days spent there, we saw a professional baseball game (Nippon-Ham Fighters v Fukuoka Soft Bank Hawks), attended a concert at a jazz bar, walked the Ramen and Wine Festival in Odori park and visited three cat cafes.

On top of that, the food was a delight. Sapporo has its own unique food culture, and from Onigiri to Soup Curry to the best Ramen (of the ten different bowls I had the good fortune of eating while in Japan), the city didn't disappoint.

Finally, it was the people I met in Sapporo that clinched it as my favorite spot in Japan. Incredibly hospitable, Sapporo-ans are among the most outgoing of Japanese that we met. When stopping someone on the street for directions, we received a friendly smile along with suggestions for other things to see and do!

I must give a huge shout out to Guest House Yuyu for providing such a personable and memorable experience at incredibly reasonable prices! The staff offered great tips on local restaurants as well as outstanding conversation, including introducing us to another guest, Thaeko, who fast became our friend for outings not just in Sapporo, but also Osaka where she lives.

Hi Thaeko, we miss you!

Tokyo: Frenetic & Catty

Fast paced. High energy. Trend setting. Leading edge.

If you are looking for inspiration in culture, trends, shopping, dining or wacky, consider Tokyo your muse.

As the world's most populous metropolitan area (nearly double that of NYC!!), even this experienced traveler expected Tokyo to be overwhelming, but I had no idea just how much.

Simply choosing where to begin exploring became a case of analysis paralysis. We stayed in the Takadanobaba neighborhood due to its location on the Japan Rail (JR) Yamanote line and proximity to popular neighborhoods Shinjuku, Harajuku, Shibuya and Ikebukuro. But then we discovered Ueno, Akihabara and Tabata. Even with ten days, it wasn't nearly enough.

Making friends with a Russian Blue (with green eyes)!

We did the best we could and managed to visit each of the above neighborhoods, as our goal was to visit all of the cat cafes in Tokyo, hence the 'catty' reference (we managed to make it to 24 out of 26). But even with all that kooky kitty-ness, leave it to Tokyo to put a stroller filled with ten fluffy felines in our path while walking down a random street. You can't make this stuff up.

Baby stroller full of cats?  In Tokyo, it's just an average day on the sidewalk. — Baby stroller full of cats? In Tokyo, it's just an average day on the sidewalk.

I did manage to do one non-catty thing- a cooking class, contributing to my other Japanese obsession, Ramen.

Kyoto: Calm & Dreamy

A close second to Sapporo, I loved the tranquility and living history all around Kyoto.

Maybe it was simply a contrast to the chaos of Tokyo, but Kyoto felt like one big sigh of relief. I could think while I walked, absorbing the atmosphere around me.

Fushimi Inari, popular Shinto shrine with famed gates

It turned out to be a walking meditation bonanza. From the historic castles and temples to the natural scenery, there were plenty of opportunities to take in the serene atmosphere, even in 'crowded' places.

For example, we hiked Fushimi Inari shrine one day and while it was busy at the bottom, there were very few people at the top, where it was quiet and a bit spooky! I made it to the popular Bamboo Forest another day for a relatively undisturbed trot through the walking paths and nearby Arashiyama neighborhood, but my favorite peaceful outing was walking the Zen gardens of Nanzen-ji temple and nearby Path of Philosophy at sunset.

The only area I didn't find particularly calm was downtown and the nearby Gion district where Kyoto's famed Geisha are few and far between-- with only tourist Geishas (regular people who pay to dress like one) taking over the scene-- but like all changes, this has now become part of the regular landscape.

Osaka: Edgy & Fun

If the calm of Kyoto begins to bore you, a different mood awaits just twelve minutes down the track via your Japan Rail pass: Osaka.

Osaka is a lot like Tokyo in terms of fast-paced excitement, however it's got a little bit something extra. A little bit raucous and a little less buttoned up, the people of Osaka are known to be the loudest in Japan, in both audible and visual terms. Which, on a spectrum, is nowhere near deafening or vulgar, but stands out in ultra-conservative Japan. Of course, you might not see or hear it in shops and restaurants, but if you pay attention on the street, you will definitely notice the manner is a slightly less refined one.

I found this attitude delightful and refreshing for the two days we spent in Osaka, which gives areas like Dotonbori a euphoric 'over the top' feeling. The huge neon signs that occupy entire buildings and giant plastic octopus' and gyoza perched on top of restaurants are an Instagram-loving tourist's delight. It's a circus-like atmosphere, but all in good fun.

We had a couple of great meals in Osaka, including a fun night of bar/restaurant hopping with our friend Thaeko, underneath Osaka station and a couple of delicious okonomiyakis, (savory Japanese pancakes) including famed Ajinoya.

Even with 24 days, there wasn't enough time to get to the very south to visit Hiroshima, but I'm glad I was able to experience a little bit of the spirit of each city we visited.

Japan is far more diverse than I imagined, and it captivated me. It presently ranks in my top two for favorite countries visited and I'm already dreaming about what moods I will find when I return.

Thanks for reading!

Next time on Gobsmacked: Party in the USA: Thanks Family & Friends for a Great Summer!

What's better than cuddling a kitten? Traveling to a South Korean cat cafe to do it.

I Quit My Job to Travel: Sixteen Months Later

July 14, 2017

Sixteen months ago, I quit my job to travel.

If this sounds like a great decision to you, it is. If this sounds like a poor decision to you, you are also right.

Like everything in life, there are trade-offs. Instead of living with financial and career stability in a comfortable home, I'm living off savings with a large resume gap in no-frills apartments.

Wait, didn't I just say quitting my job to travel was great?

It is, for me-- but it isn't for everyone. Like most people, I had many reasons not to do this. I had a great career making good money so why trade it for the challenging existence of a long-term traveler?

Partially because I wanted to, but mostly because, deep down, I needed to.

Last year, I articulated the reasons why I started this journey, but like most life lessons, it's tough to learn something without experiencing it first. What I thought I would learn on the road didn't really happen the way I had envisioned. And while it hasn't been non-stop rainbows and unicorns, the good has far outweighed the occasional anxiety induced freak-out along the way.

Like the time I got lost in Belgrade, Serbia and stumbled into an area best described as 'the wrong side of the tracks'. Or the time I had an anxiety attack in St. Petersburg, Russia after a horrible border crossing experience and one-too-many menacing looks on the street. Or the nights with less-than-ideal beds and dirty showers.

However, even during these 'low' moments, I knew I had made the right choice. Or, at least I knew they would make for great stories later.

This isn't an encouragement to quit your job and travel. I can attest that this decision is not for everyone, and contrary to the Hollywood treatment of life on the road, it isn't one big wisdom-bestowing experience after another. If you are looking for a life-changing epiphany, you probably won't find it out here. Mini-epiphanies, sure, but the secret to life? Nope.

I'm pretty much the same person I was before I left and traveling hasn't erased my deficiencies. I still get anxious over things I can't control. I can be quick to anger when things go wrong. I tend to be impatient when things are slow.

But it happens much less often than it used to.

So, besides developing a modicum of patience, what else have I learned during my year away from work?

No Fear: The Upside of Doing Without

Set aside a certain number of days, during which you shall be content with the scantiest and cheapest fare, with coarse and rough dress, saying to yourself all the while: “Is this the condition that I feared?”

-Seneca, Letters to Lucillius

The biggest revelation has been how unafraid I am to have so little. I didn't realize how much 'stuff' was mentally weighing me down. My consumption lifestyle has now been replaced with the bare minimum.*

I say this while acknowledging what Maria Popova calls 'the reality check of privilege.' It is a luxury that I can look upon my experience of thrift as character-building. But my funds aren't limitless, and living on the road without the safety net of a regular paycheck means a spare existence isn't a 'nice to do'. It's mandatory.

It wasn't always this way. Before travel, I spent money extravagantly, yet unsurprisingly, was perpetually dissatisfied. Today, I must think carefully before I hand over that credit card, but rather than feeling stressed, have found the prudent spending of a long-term traveler to be empowering.

Again, this isn't for everyone and you certainly don't need to wear the same clothes out of a backpack for a year to check an overactive shopping habit! To be clear, I don't hate the comforts of life or beautiful things. I simply enjoy them less so I can travel more.

Besides, most of our best experiences cost next to nothing. Like the lovely $16/night guesthouse in China where we met our Swedish friends. Or the delicious $1.50 street food dinners we ate in Thailand. Or the life-changing and free (for volunteers) Diverbo language program in Spain. All reinforcing that meaningful travel need not be expensive.

There have certainly been a few splurges now and then (usually in the form of more comfortable accommodation!), but when we do, I feel a deep gratitude that I never had in my old life, when I used to refer to certain five star hotels as 'just ok'. [Cringe]

Curiosity Rules

Beauty comes in unbeautiful ways.

-Bill Hayes, Insomniac City

There is much that I loved about working and I'm grateful to those companies and my colleagues for some wonderful experiences, but about a year before the trip, I was starting to lose my work mojo. I felt dull and subdued.

I was burned out.

I wanted to re-ignite my zest for life and I knew I needed a change. What I didn't know was how travel was about to unlock a wellspring of curiosity and creativity. Once I started discovering the world, I wanted to know more. The more I experienced new thoughts and ideas, they started flying out of my head, lifting me up with them.

I'm not saying you couldn't do this while working. But for me, completely switching up the scenery was necessary. I had to detach from being completely comfortable and feeling in control.

That meant embracing discomfort, but rather than causing anxiety, I found that this is the place where magic moments like to hide out.

Following my curiosity has brought a great deal of aliveness to my travels. It helps me meet people and attempt conversations in the local language, even when it feels awkward. It allows me to get lost in challenging new areas in addition to foreigner-friendly tourist sites. It helps me seek out local food instead of Western restaurants even though I usually have no idea what I'm doing. Like the first time I ordered Hot Pot in China.

That's not to say I don't indulge in the comfort of English speakers, American-style malls and Starbucks. But when I push myself beyond those initially uncomfortable encounters, I'm left energized and filled with feelings of warmth and appreciation.

Sixteen months ago, I didn't realize that travel would instill a sense of wonder that I haven't had in many years.

Travel Skills = Life Skills

Have you ever tried to read the train timetable in China? It's like trying to crack the Enigma code. How about facing less-than-friendly Hungarian authorities who are barking at you for your passport? Or finding safe, clean and reasonable accommodation in a city you have never been before?

Contrary to the idea that travel is one perpetual leisure-fest, it actually takes a lot of work to stay on the road. From understanding country entry requirements, to navigating the myriad of transportation options (not just deciding how to get there, but how to keep it low cost, too) to educating myself about cultural sensitivities and adding a few key phrases in the local language; all of this takes time and effort.

Of all the skills I've developed in my career, I'm most proud of the ones I've learned on the road.

Tolerance and patience in the face of ambiguity and uncertainty
Remaining positive and persevering in far-from-ideal circumstances
Ability to adjust to changes and local customs, quickly
Money management and adherence to a tight budget
Ability to communicate across a wide variety of languages and cultures

All of these have helped me strengthen my emotional intelligence and inner fortitude in a way that will benefit my future endeavors as much as the hard skills I've learned in traditional corporate settings.

Does that sound like self-rationalized feel-good speak? Maybe, but I know I've truly learned more in the past year than I did in the previous ten. Which is certainly my own fault, but hey, better late than never.

Busy = Worthy?

The cult of productivity has its place, but worshipping at its altar daily robs us of the very capacity for joy and wonder that makes life worth living.

-Maria Popova

One of the goals I set out for myself during these travels was to become comfortable being, instead of always doing.

You see, I'm a recovering people-pleasing busy-body. My entire life, I have used busyness as a measure of my worth. The more I checked off my list, I thought, the better, but in reality it was never good enough.

That's the trap of productivity.

Sixteen months ago, the unrelenting achiever in me made a list of things I wanted to accomplish during my time out from work, because the actual travel wasn't 'enough'. Here is a sample for your amusement.

Achieve conversational level Spanish
Create and monetize a travel website
Write everyday
Publish a short story or essay
Walk 10,000 steps per day
Lose weight

I can't help but look at this and laugh. Nothing will kill the joy of travel faster than a list filled with self-created pressure and obligation.

On my new to-do list?  More goat kisses! — On my new to-do list? More goat kisses!

Don't get me wrong, There is nothing wrong with making lists and setting goals. It's a great tool and seat-of-the-pants-kick that many of us need to get anything done.

But this list had nothing to do with that. A year ago, I was a person who couldn't stand the thought of this time not 'counting' for something. I feared if I didn't 'achieve' something, it would be a waste.

Over a year later, I know that giving myself permission to just 'be' has resulted in more happiness than crossing off my 'to-do' list. I haven't given up on lists and goals completely, but these days, they are far more simple and internally focused.

At the top of the list? Practicing presence and being in the moment.

Courage in the Face of Uncertainty

On the upper trail of Tiger Leaping Gorge, Yunnan, China

Expect anything worthwhile to take a long time.

-Debbie Millman

The biggest lesson I've learned is that just because you seek something, it doesn't mean it wants to be found. At least, not immediately. While I have unlinked myself from work-as-identity, I still haven't discovered some grand life purpose or even what I will do when I stop traveling.** I have had a lot of wonderful experiences and gained a great deal of knowledge, but that doesn't necessarily translate into wisdom. It's an ongoing and dynamic process, and it won't just happen overnight.

I've had trickles of wisdom after being exposed to so many different things. A drop here, a drop there and eventually they do add up. I'm more grateful, hopeful and joyful, but still working on patience and being judgmental. In the meantime, the best I can do is keep my eyes open to the surprises right in front of me.

Success!  Reaching the bottom of Tiger Leaping Gorge, Yunnan, China. — Success! Reaching the bottom of Tiger Leaping Gorge, Yunnan, China.

I'd like to leave you with something that intuitively, we all know, but is a daily affirmation that has kept me moving forward many days.

Choose your path and be proud of it. It's your journey and no one else can walk it.

Thanks for reading!

*Minimalism has been much maligned lately as a rich hipster movement to buy fewer, yet relatively expensive things. I get where they are coming from and would like to stress that I'm not espousing a pretentious holier-than-thou attitude. I'm only pointing out that living with the bare minimum has helped open me up to new experiences in a deeper way.

**The answer to 'When will you be done?' is 'I don't know!' We expect to be on the road for at least another 10 months and perhaps longer if we start to earn income from a couple of web ventures.